imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
