I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
