My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
