Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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