I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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