i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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