I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
