happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
