We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
