Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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