2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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