I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
