I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
