Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
