you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
