dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
