Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
