It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
