Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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