The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
