Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
