bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
