But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
