Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
