Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
