just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
