I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
