I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
