Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
