Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
