listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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