so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
