she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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