omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize