I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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