I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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