hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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