just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were trust falling into bushes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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