i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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