I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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