I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
