i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
