if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
