I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
