I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
