he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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