so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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