how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
