Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
