where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
