I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
