WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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