you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just cropdusted the office
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
