so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
