a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
