K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
