hotel room ftw
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
